My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I don't buy the 'at 60 it's great to have kids' thing. I don't buy the line that has been thrown down… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I've been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
There's no reason to tweet when you are in the midst of a great moment; they are few and far between. So… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
There is no better moment than this moment, when we're anticipating the actual moment itself. All of the moments that lead up… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of… — Lewis Black Copy Share
“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.” — Lewis Black Copy Share
These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow… — Lewis Black Copy Share
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black Copy Share
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't… — Lewis Black Copy Share
Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York. — Lewis Black Copy Share
“At seven p.m., hope is sparked again when some new chirpy airline employee announces that a new plane without that nasty mechanical problem -… — Lewis Black Copy Share
