I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I don't buy the 'at 60 it's great to have kids' thing. I don't buy the line that has been thrown down… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I don't care who wins because I go to sporting events to scream. It's the one place on the planet you can… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
You look at my audience, and it proves what Congress thinks America is, is wrong. I get people across the political spectrum.… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it's really just - I tried to… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
The kids say golf taught them this and that. I get it with the military: A guy joins the military because he… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Christmas gets longer and longer and longer, and… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
The new millennium sucks! What a disappointment! What's the difference between the old millennium and the new millennium? Nothing! It's the same… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of… — Lewis Black Copy Share
“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.” — Lewis Black Copy Share
These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug… — Lewis Black Copy Share
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it… — Lewis Black Copy Share
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow… — Lewis Black Copy Share
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black Copy Share
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't… — Lewis Black Copy Share
Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York. — Lewis Black Copy Share
“At seven p.m., hope is sparked again when some new chirpy airline employee announces that a new plane without that nasty mechanical problem -… — Lewis Black Copy Share
