I'm a polite person. I'll tell you excuse me and shut the f*ck up in the same sentence. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year.” — Jeff Deck Copy Share Image
Dear Job Application, if this is an entry level position, how am I supposed to have previous experience... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Yeah, it's a kodak moment. Quick, take a picture. Sarah scoffs. I stick my tongue out at her.” — Annie Brewer Copy Share Image
Don't you just LOVE rumors, they tell you so many awesome things you didn't even know about yourself! — Abhishek Tiwari Copy Share Image
“The Bibbidi Bobbidi Beautiful boutique, the name filled me with dread.” — Jessica Fortunato Copy Share Image
So, you don't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day? Well, some people don't have a Mother on Mother's Day. Or, a Father… — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
You say you love me ... Aww muffin!! Acchhoo.. Sorry my allergies to bullshit is acting up, it's telling me that your… — Zabi Khojazada Copy Share Image
Sarcasm, as it turned out--even when it was instinctive and quick--cut into the time one had to manufacture one's escape. — Mel Odom Copy Share Image
I'm far too busy doing nothing to be bothered with the so called REAL world right now, but please leave a message… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?” — Melanie Marchande Copy Share Image
“Fine. Okay. I killed her. But I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t kill her, kill her.” “Oh, I see. As long… — Karen Marie Moning Copy Share Image
“There’s a hell of a lot you haven’t shared.” “Oh, I’m sorry. Be sure to send out invites to the pot-meets-kettle show… — S.E. Jakes Copy Share Image
“Anyway, she thinks we're going to be all right. Like she says, a positive attitude is ninety-seven percent of the battle." This… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
“What about you? What do you do?” I needed to ask questions, draw him out. I needed to find out all the… — Kate Avery Ellison Copy Share Image
“He paused at the bedroom door, shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked right out like it was any other… — Jane Seville Copy Share Image
“Why do you haunt me? You, like a tattoo on my tongue, like the bay leaf at the bottom of every pan.… — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
Satire must not be a kind of superfluous ill will, but ill will from a higher point of view. Ridiculous man, divine… — Paul Klee Copy Share Image
The more repression there is, the more need there is for irreverence toward those who are responsible for that repression. But too… — Paul Krassner Copy Share Image
“What’s that around your neck?” asked Emily. “It’s a golden star.” Said Reed. “What did you get it for?” “Chemistry class.” “What’s… — Rumi Antoinette Copy Share Image
“Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Felicity and Ann hunched over their ornaments as if they were fascinating… — Libba Bray Copy Share Image
I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some intentionally injure others through mocking, sarcasm with no intent to help. Others are trying to help. — Sterling W Sill Copy Share Image
I'm a nice person... I swear. but once you step on my limit then a demon will slap your face — Rakii Retondo Copy Share Image
The subconscious doesn't distinguish sarcasm and jokes. It just accepts what it hears. That's the power of words. — India Arie Copy Share Image
Sarcasm is the only way I can avoid saying fuck off since in other places its considered rude and a big ass… — Osvaldo M Copy Share Image
What if the government built this thing? I doubt it. Why? Cause it works. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you. — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
Beth: Are you stalking me now? Nick: No, I'm just running into you in a premidetated manner — When In Rome - Beth Copy Share Image
“You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.” — Nicki Elson Copy Share Image
Sarcasm and compassion are two of the qualities that make life on Earth tolerable. — Nick Hornby Copy Share Image
“Oh no, praying is great, without it the thumbscrews and the Iron Maiden probably never would have been invented.” — Stephen King Copy Share Image
Halloween: Is one night of the year when all households save the most on their electricity bill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
