Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability,… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
“Our goal will be to have relationships with both men and women that do not operate at the expense of the self,… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
In long-term relationships ... we are called upon to navigate that delicate balance between separateness and connectedness ... we confront the challenge… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
“working on key emotional issues at their source, lays the groundwork for more solid intimate relationships in the present or future.” — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
“If the other person has pushed through his or her discomfort to do the right thing and apologize, we can push through… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ...… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we are able to share our reactions to others without holding them… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.” — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
