President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Today was opening day for the new Congress in Washington. And Vice President Joe Biden swore in the new batch of White… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting global warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Former President Bill Clinton is on the program tonight. He says that while his wife runs for president, he would like to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama says he wants to put an end to the policy, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' Yeah, in the military. This is… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama's trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq. We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Today is the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln wrote it on his way to the site of the speech on… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to receive a Homeland Security briefing. I thought that was odd, since you're… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Some good news. Finally, President Bush is going to do something about global warming. He became alarmed when another chunk of ice… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Senate voted to approve President Clinton's decision to send troops to Bosnia. And they voted to change the name of… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama is sending troops back to Iraq. He said, 'Don't worry, we should not be there any longer than a Kardashian… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Did you folks see President Bush's State of the Union Address? How about that surprise announcement? Howard Dean has been captured and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share
Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of… — David Letterman Copy Share
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. — David Letterman Copy Share
Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration. — David Letterman Copy Share
