Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Boy George has been charged with falsely imprisoning a man who'd gone to his apartment to pose for photographs. Going to Boy… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
“I've found that many of the people who have a passion for karaoke too often have misplaced confidence, which can become aggressive and border… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
