MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
![“ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth…” quote by Ambrose Bierce](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/029/ambrose-bierce-140_abnormal_abnormal-adj-not-conforming-to-standard_793483.jpg)
