Funny golf Quotes · Page 2

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is - don't.

— Tony Lema

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

— Earl Wilson

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.

— Gardner Dickinson

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called…

— Alex Hay

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

— Robin Williams

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.

— Jimmy Demaret

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money…

— Rick Reilly

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.

— Kevin Costner

Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.

— Tommy Bolt

It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it.

— Jack Nicklaus

You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.

— Bob Bruce

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

— Ben Crenshaw

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

— Bob Hope

This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win.

— Ben Hogan

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a…

— Gerald R. Ford

Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

— Will Rogers

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?

— Phil Silvers

The better your attitude and the harder you work, the luckier you get.

— Robert G. Allen

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

— Bob Hope

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

— Tom Mulligan

Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well.

— Craig Stadler

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.

— Mac O'Grady

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

— Bob Hope

If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot.

— Sam Snead

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

— John Updike

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the…

— Don Adams

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses...

— Adlai Stevenson I

Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.

— Ken Venturi

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

— Lee Trevino

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.

— Fletcher Knebel

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

— Lee Trevino

You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.

— Sam Snead

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

— Bruce Lansky

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

— Lee Trevino

Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.

— Paul Harvey