I've always wondered why it's called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Okay mom...you know I love you...but I can't accept your friend request on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just thought I'd let you know I've been diagnosed with awesomeness. You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Friends are like underwear, always near you. Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you. Best friends are like viagra, lift you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop it because I hate the f*cking beeping… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up so many people that they have to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Apparently twilight is so popular because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah I remember the time when I was a vampire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear 11 year old on Facebook with 'It's complicated.' Seriously????? What did he do??? Steal your animal crackers?? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a bra is called an 'over the shoulder bolder holder' then would you call men's underwear 'under the but nut hut' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thinks its funny when girls use slutty profile pics to get attention, might as well have a status that says my shit… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
