Drinking funny Quotes

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

— Winston Churchill

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

— Albert Einstein

Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough.

— Ernest Hemingway

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

— W. C. Fields

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most.

— Dorothy Parker

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

— W. C. Fields

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.

— Benjamin Franklin

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

— W. C. Fields

He that drinks fast, pays slow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. There can't be…

— Benjamin Franklin

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

— Joe E. Lewis

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most…

— Thomas de Quincey

A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

— Anonymous

I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those…

— Abraham Lincoln

The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly…

— H. L. Mencken

No poems can please long or live that are written by water drinkers.

— Horace

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

— Adrian Rogers

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.

— Winston Churchill

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

— Frank Zappa

We drink [to] one another's health and spoil our own.

— Jerome K. Jerome

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

— N. F. Simpson

I don't trust people who don't use profanity.

— Mark Oliver Everett

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

— Nancy Astor

Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't.

— Maya Angelou

I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

— Richard Pryor

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

— Ed McMahon

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

— Oscar Levant

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

— Brendan Behan