"The first thing any comedian does on getting……" — W.C. Fields

"The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his ."

— W.C. Fields

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188 Quotes by W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields has 188 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It…
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious…
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon…
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners…
Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy…
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and…
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

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More Any Quotes

This quote is filed under Any Quotes, one of 35,317 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

I'd take precision any day over power; as far as being tactical you know you have to see what's going… — Alexis Arguello
I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
Democracy arises out of the notion that those who are equal in any respect are equal in all respects; because… — Aristotle
I'm a father. It isn't just my life any more. I don't want my kid finding bottles in the house… — Billie Joe Armstrong
In the holy city of Mecca, violence of any kind was forbidden. From the moment they left home, pilgrims were… — Karen Armstrong
Today we often think that before we start living a religious life we have first to accept the creedal doctrines… — Karen Armstrong
It can't be any simpler: the farewell is going to be on the Champs-Elysees. — Lance Armstrong
I believe that every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running… — Neil Armstrong
I think it's important as a filmmaker, as any person working in the arts, that you've got to try new… — Darren Aronofsky
So long as we have failed to eliminate any of the causes of human despair, we do not have the… — Antonin Artaud
People are definitely a company's greatest asset. It doesn't make any difference whether the product is cars or cosmetics. A… — Mary Kay Ash

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