"My mom told me when I was younger……" — Robert Schimmel
"My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell."
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Robert Schimmel
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22 Quotes by Robert Schimmel
Robert Schimmel has 22 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Because when you’re laughing, there is no other emotion in that moment except for joy.
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What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's…
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So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: 'You know, maybe you're suffering from…
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Caution: Anal intercourse may lead to irregular heart rhythms. Yeah, you know I'm never gonna have to worry about that.…
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One of my friends goes: 'So, you know what really turns me on; when girls talk dirty in bed.' Yeah…
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What is it with the animals with the bikes? I took my daughter to the circus. She said: 'Daddy, how…
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So because of my act my daughter thinks she can talk to me about anything. She's been dating the same…
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I sit down with my daughter and I said, 'Do you know how babies get here?' And she said, 'Well,…
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It's my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude…
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I was making love one night with my wife and she said: 'You're in me.' I know where I am,…
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Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way…
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I'm not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can't do…
See all 22 quotes by Robert Schimmel »
More All Quotes
This quote is filed under All Quotes,
one of 128,558 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Total loyalty is possible only when fidelity is emptied of all concrete content, from which changes of mind might naturally…
— Hannah Arendt
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No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our…
— Hannah Arendt
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The ultimate end of human acts is eudaimonia, happiness in the sense of living well, which all men desire; all…
— Hannah Arendt
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The new always happens against the overwhelming odds of statistical laws and their probability, which for all practical, everyday purposes…
— Hannah Arendt
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Where all are guilty, no one is; confessions of collective guilt are the best possible safeguard against the discovery of…
— Hannah Arendt
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We have almost succeeded in leveling all human activities to the common denominator of securing the necessities of life and…
— Hannah Arendt
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I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is…
— Pietro Aretino
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We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace.
— Jean-Bertrand Aristide
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The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela,…
— Jean-Bertrand Aristide
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As we all know, many people remain buried under tons of rubble and debris, waiting to be rescued. When we…
— Jean-Bertrand Aristide
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Wise people, even though all laws were abolished, would still lead the same life.
— Aristophanes
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A friend to all is a friend to none.
— Aristotle
See all 128,558 All Quotes »