Air Quote by Norm Sloan

I like it where I stand. This is fun.

— Esther Hicks

I do not like - in the middle of a wrestling arena where they're serving alcohol and there are screaming fans including children in…

— Sable

A lot of people in the crowd want to be told what to do; if you just put your hands up, they do it.

— Alexis Taylor

I don't know why, but people tend to look at stand-ups and think they can act, which actually isn't the case. But never mind.…

— Catherine Tate

Five is the very awkwardest of all posible numbers to sit down to table.

— Jane Austen

I hate watching stand-ups.

— Josh Thomas

I find it very annoying when people want to sit next to each other at a booth.

— Chelsea Handler

It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right…

— David Spade

SOME PEOPLE JUST NEED A HIGH FIVE. In the face with the chair.

— Anonymous

The awkward thing is the people in the room besides us. It's not us. It's just the 20 or 30 people that are around…

— Mike Colter

This is Dimebag, strapped up at the Airport, man, plane's all late and delayed and shit, and I'm looking at all these signs they…

— Dimebag Darrell

If the crowd is too big, it's too much for me. I took my daughter down there, and all I did was spend all…

— Lance Henriksen