“If it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad? I ask myself that question everyday, I have a decent life. Nothing horrible by far, and yet I feel like Im nothing. Ive spun out of control and I cant stand myself anymore. I have friends I have family I have a home, materialistic items, the worlds at my finger tips and I dont want it. Im pushing everything away, I feel I am a burden to my friends and family and I have no one to talk to. Ive tried to kill myself 3 times before and nothing has worked¦partly because I didnt want it too and partly because Im such a complete fuck up that I cant even kill myself correctly. I took 11 Oxicodones about 30 minutes ago¦I hope they work I just want someone to talk to so bad but Im scared¦scared to talk to the people I know I used to talk to my best friend about it¦and that caused me to loose her (I think) Im afraid if I talk to anyone else about it I will loose them too I just want someone to hear me¦to see me¦to give me advice, to slap me into reality Anything. Please.”
