““Using Words Learning to express their potent reactions in words rather than in actions is critical for spirited children. If they can tell us they are angry, they don’t have to kick us to get the message across. It’s our labels that they turn to as they are building their vocabulary—the words we use to describe and explain intensity. Three-year-old Al is a blond, tousled-haired minitornado. “I’ve got gusto,” he informed me. “My dad says it’s okay to do things with gusto—as long as you don’t hurt anybody!” “I’m full of it,” a five-year-old shared, “just like my Grandpa Dick.” “My mom plays whisper games with me to help me practice my soft voice because usually I’ve very dramatic,” six-year-old Chrissie exclaimed. “I have powerful reactions,” eight-year-old Kerry told me. These children, as young as three (and sometimes even two) understand their intensity and feel good about it. They haven’t been told they were wild, aggressive, or mean. The words to describe their intensity have focused on the vim, vigor, and energy racing through their body in a positive way. It is those words that help them to feel comfortable with their intensity rather than embarrassed or frightened by it. As a result, they don’t have to run wild, scream, hit, or throw things to express themselves—at least most of the time. They can talk about it instead.””
