"I wanted to be a soccer player. I…" — John Oliver
"I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen."
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John Oliver
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98 Quotes by John Oliver
John Oliver has 98 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most…
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Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
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Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively…
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Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't…
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Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a…
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which…
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If you’ve been here, in New York, it has been dominated by the UN General Assembly, the annual event where…
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You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter,
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
See all 98 quotes by John Oliver »
More Happen Quotes
This quote is filed under Happen Quotes,
one of 7,562 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Bad things are not the worst things that can happen to us. Nothing is the worst thing that can happen…
— Richard Bach
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Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things…
— Rowan Atkinson
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'1984' is not a wonder tale. Not only could it happen, but it has happened, but under different names.
— Margaret Atwood
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Science fiction, to me, has not only things that wouldn't happen, but other planets.
— Margaret Atwood
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I hate to tell you this, but you will never actually go to a galaxy far, far away and encounter…
— Margaret Atwood
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Younger people have greatest fears. Why is that? Because they don't know the plot. They don't know their own individual…
— Margaret Atwood
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It's frightening how easy it is to commit murder in America. Just a drink too much. I can see myself…
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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The class distinctions proper to a democratic society are not those of rank or money, still less, as is apt…
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a…
— Jane Austen
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The world is so unpredictable. Things happen suddenly, unexpectedly. We want to feel we are in control of our own…
— Paul Auster
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You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now.
— Lauren Bacall
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Having experienced personally and through my family the tragedy of Chile is something always present in my memory. I do…
— Michelle Bachelet
See all 7,562 Happen Quotes »