"Life does not measure up to performing... Performing……" — Joan Rivers

"Life does not measure up to performing... Performing is perfect."

— Joan Rivers

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245 Quotes by Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers has 245 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe.'
I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get…
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes…
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief…
I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of…
My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never…

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More Life Quotes

This quote is filed under Life Quotes, one of 112,747 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it. — Hannah Arendt
Culture relates to objects and is a phenomenon of the world; entertainment relates to people and is a phenomenon of… — Hannah Arendt
We have almost succeeded in leveling all human activities to the common denominator of securing the necessities of life and… — Hannah Arendt
I do think the heart can balance out the mind, if your heart is in a good place it can… — Alexis Arguello
I find that it's hard to fully examine one's life and not have faith be part of the discussion. — J. J. Abrams
Wise people, even though all laws were abolished, would still lead the same life. — Aristophanes
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. — Aristotle
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them… — Aristotle
Happiness depends upon ourselves. — Aristotle
I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over… — Aristotle

See all 112,747 Life Quotes »