"I think I was the third person in……" — Joan Rivers
"I think I was the third person in the world to get a Kindle, and I hated it from the minute I got it."
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Joan Rivers
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245 Quotes by Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers has 245 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe.'
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I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.
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We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get…
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Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes…
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief…
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
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A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of…
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My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never…
See all 245 quotes by Joan Rivers »
More From Quotes
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No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our…
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Aside from a handful of guys boxing is missing the good trainers, that's why our sport is so in the…
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From heresy, frenzy and jealousy, good Lord deliver me.
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As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people…
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Haiti, Haiti, the further I am from you, the less I breathe. Haiti, I love you, and I will love…
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In 1994, when I went back to Haiti from exile, we established a Commission for Truth and Justice and Reconciliation.…
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Sometimes people who want to understand Haiti from a political perspective may be missing part of the picture. They also…
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Men of sense often learn from their enemies. It is from their foes, not their friends, that cities learn the…
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At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst.
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