Bookstores Quote by Daniel Handler

My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her…

— Wanda Sykes

I was once very unpleasantly groped while I was broadcasting by a famous individual who shall remain nameless. When I told the staff afterwards…

— Sandi Toksvig

I was in the Vancouver airport, and I was speaking with a young girl. She asked if I was Freddie Prinze Jr., and I…

— Freddie Prinze, Jr

It was only after I untied my girlfriend from being face down on the bed that I learned her screaming, 'Asshole!' was a statement…

— David Henry

I was in a play in elementary school and had to jump up and run away. I was nervous and tripped and fell down…

— Sherman Hemsley

I remember one time my mom and I were watching 'The Nutcracker' and I started crying...She asked why was I crying. I said I…

— Aubrey ODay

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed…

— Emo Philips

I was taking a connecting flight from Vijayawada to Hyderabad and Kajol was on the same flight. We were waiting for the lift and…

— Pranitha Subhash

I followed a girl I met in Japan to Los Angeles and ended up working in a motorcycle store. I quit the job one…

— Norman Reedus

The other day at a drive-through, I reminded the teenage girl serving me that she forgot my drinks. She looked at me, hissed, rolled…

— Neil Cavuto

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.

— Paul Lynde

I was at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, and I was performing at a show there. Jimmy Carter was going to be coming through…

— Apollo Robbins