Best Waiter Quotations

150 Waiter quotes by 130 unique authors

If I ever own a restaurant, I will never allow the waiters to ask if the diners like their dishes. Particularly when they're talking. — Orson Welles
Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. — Daniel Handler
Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that Tyler's pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life… — Chuck Palahniuk
Meanwhile it's got stormy, the tattered fog even thicker, chasing across my path. Three people are sitting in a glassy tourist cafe between clouds and… — Werner Herzog
...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make. — Eoin Colfer
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. — Dave Barry
He had lunch with Cecilia that afternoon. They ate their corned beef on rye and cream cheese with lox in a diner peopled by waiters… — Mary Gaitskill
Insanity hovered close at hand, like an eager waiter at an expensive restaurant. — Arundhati Roy
I am one of those who like to stay late at the cafe," the older waiter said. "With all those who do not want to… — Ernest Hemingway
The young man called the waiter and paid. Then he got up and said to the girl: 'We're going.' Where to?' The girl feigned surprise.… — Milan Kundera
Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre." Myles: "In Paris." Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot… — Eoin Colfer
I have tipped waiters, and I have been tipped by waiters. — George Orwell
The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?' 'Huh?' said… — Douglas Adams
...the waiters carried themselves with a quiet joy, as if their entire mission in life was to make their customers feel comfortable and well tended. — Julia Child
Mexico admits you through an arched stone orifice into the tree-filled courtyard of its heart, where a dog pisses against a wall and a waiter… — Barbara Kingsolver
A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. "Why?" asks… — Lynne Truss
For the world is broken, sundered, busted down the middle, self ripped from self and man pasted back together as mythical monster, half angel, half… — Walker Percy
Honey, you need to get laid. (Selena) Why don’t you speak a little louder, Lanie? I don’t think the guys in Canada were able to… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Or more precisely, is there anything I can do for you, ma’am? (Waiter) ‘How about a bag for my head, or a stick to beat… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
His face held a certain impassivity; you see it in all waiters and valets. They might want to jam a knife through your left eye… — Ann Aguirre
Waiters will always pee in soup, people will always fall in love. — Chuck Palahniuk
Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT. — Richard Kadrey
The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion. — Douglas Adams
Our favourite item was the balcony that overlooked the sea because it had an awning that you lowered by pressing an electric switch. The switch… — Douglas Adams
But he could not taste, he could not feel. In the teashop among the tables and the chattering waiters the appalling fear came over him-… — Virginia Woolf

Who Wrote These Waiter Quotes

130 authors contributed a total of 150 Waiter Quotes, led by these top contributors:

Best Waiter Quotations

More Ways to Read Waiter Quotes

Who Wrote These Waiter Quotes