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- Lord help the mister that comes between me and my sister... — Irving Berlin
- Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister… — Ambrose Bierce
- He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt… — Jack Handey
- Now it stands to reason, mister, any damn fool stares into the sun long enough, he'll end up seeing exactly what some… — John D. MacDonald
- Can I throw harder than Joe Wood? Listen mister, no man alive can throw any harder than Smoky Joe Wood. — Walter Johnson
- There was a clear lesson here — and that was that the Internet loves Mister Splashy Pants. — Alexis Ohanian
- I am as fond of colorful language as anyone, but I try not to inflict it upon strangers. I suspect many people… — Roger Ebert
- I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He'd get right up next… — Jack Handey