Funny Money Quotes

55 quotes by 51 authors

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure. — Honore de Balzac
Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you… — James A. Baldwin
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. — Douglas Adams
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. — Brendan Behan
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank? — Milton Berle
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. — Yogi Berra
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank? — Bertolt Brecht
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. — George Burns
It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich. — Alan Alda
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. — Woody Allen
There is nothing wrong with a woman welcoming all men's advances as long as they are in cash — Zsa Zsa Gabor
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street — Jay Leno
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love — Joe Louis
I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. I can't afford the taxes — Mick Jagger
Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery — Beverly Johnson
The rich hire lawyers and accountants for a reason - to pass the tax bill on to you. — George W. Bush
It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in… — Dave Barry
A bank book makes good reading - better than some novels. — Sir Harry Lauder
Tax deductible, That's what you are: Tax deductible. Just like my car, like a gift to local charity, you give my 1040 clarity — Steven Zelin
Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer — Ogden Nash

Who Wrote These Funny Money Quotes

51 authors contributed a total of 55 Funny Money Quotes, led by these top contributors: