Best Funny Money Quotes
55 Funny Money quotes by 51 unique authors
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
— Sam Ewing
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My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
— Errol Flynn
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Money without brains is always dangerous.
— Napoleon Hill
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The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
— Kin Hubbard
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It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
— Kin Hubbard
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I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
— Fran Lebowitz
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I despise the Lottery. There's less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit on the head by a passing asteroid.
— Brian May
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Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, 'Now, let's…
— Paul McCartney
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Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
— H. L. Mencken
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
— Spike Milligan
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I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
— Shaquille O'Neal
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
— P.J. O'Rourke
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Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else.…
— Satchel Paige
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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
— Paula Poundstone
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I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.
— Ronald Reagan
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Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
— Will Rogers
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What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
— Mark Twain
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The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.
— Peter Ustinov
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Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to…
— Bill Vaughan
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A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.
— Mae West
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Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
— Robin Williams
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You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.
— Tennessee Williams
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This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
— Earl Wilson
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Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
— Herman Wouk
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
— Steven Wright
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Who Wrote These Funny Money Quotes
51 authors contributed a total of 55 Funny Money Quotes, led by these top contributors: