Best Funny Christmas Quotes
53 Funny Christmas quotes by 46 unique authors
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Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to…
— Calvin Coolidge
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Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'.
— Bing Crosby
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Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
— Ellen DeGeneres
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
— Phyllis Diller
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Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
— Kin Hubbard
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Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
— Washington Irving
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three…
— Jay Leno
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There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle…
— Robert Staughton Lynd
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I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.
— Kylie Minogue
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you…
— P.J. O'Rourke
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That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
— Jerry Seinfeld
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I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my…
— Shirley Temple
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At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.
— Thomas Tusser
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And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It…
— Dr. Seuss
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Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd…
— Bill Watterson
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I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to…
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for…
— Bob Hope
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I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can bring joy and…
— Norman Vincent Peale
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Mankind is a great, an immense family... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.
— Pope John XXIII
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Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.
— Charles M. Schulz
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Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.
— Helen Steiner Rice
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Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
— Tom Sims
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The real Santa is... your mom and dad.
— Anthony Barger
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There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. Unbelievable.
— Goodmanb
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Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know... the birth of Santa.
— Bart Simpson
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Who Wrote These Funny Christmas Quotes
46 authors contributed a total of 53 Funny Christmas Quotes, led by these top contributors: