Tim Allen

Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio

— Tim Allen

Man is the only animal to borrow tools.

— Tim Allen

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

— Tim Allen

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

— Tim Allen

Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.

— Tim Allen

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

— Tim Allen

If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.

— Tim Allen

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

— Tim Allen

I'm actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.

— Tim Allen

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.

— Tim Allen

There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she…

— Tim Allen

Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up…

— Tim Allen

My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.

— Tim Allen

Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.

— Tim Allen

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a…

— Tim Allen

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried…

— Tim Allen

“Anyway, they used to beat up on Barry all the time. They called it roughhousing , which is like men calling lying bullshitting .”

— Tim Allen

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

— Tim Allen

I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don't do any of that stuff, I just…

— Tim Allen

When you're 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then,…

— Tim Allen

I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run…

— Tim Allen

Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to…

— Tim Allen

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents…

— Tim Allen

The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places,…

— Tim Allen

I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's…

— Tim Allen

The world is your oyster when you are successful. That was when I was getting scripts. I was planning for this. I…

— Tim Allen

My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.

— Tim Allen

I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.

— Tim Allen

My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

— Tim Allen

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.

— Tim Allen

Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.

— Tim Allen

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

— Tim Allen

I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.

— Tim Allen

Men are scum, right ladies? Too bad we own everything!

— Tim Allen

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.

— Tim Allen

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.

— Tim Allen

Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?

— Tim Allen

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.

— Tim Allen

I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)

— Tim Allen

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I…

— Tim Allen