Stephen Wright Quotes

18 quotes in 277 categories

• One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.
• He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries…
• Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last…
• Boy, life takes a long time to live
• I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
• I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, Hey, maybe I wrote…
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's gonna be up all night.
• I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The…
• Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here,…
• I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it…
• I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.
• The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on…
• I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I…
• My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I can later ask him what he meant.
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
• All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
• I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

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