Ronnie Shakes

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind…

— Ronnie Shakes

I like life. It's something to do.

— Ronnie Shakes

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

— Ronnie Shakes

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

— Ronnie Shakes

Sometimes the unexpected does happen. Once, this exquisite woman fell for me. After we made love, she gave me a check for…

— Ronnie Shakes

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

— Ronnie Shakes

One question on hospital admittance forms really gets me. "Sex: Male or Female?" Do I want to be in a hospital where…

— Ronnie Shakes

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

— Ronnie Shakes

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

— Ronnie Shakes

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you…

— Ronnie Shakes

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

— Ronnie Shakes

As a teenager I just wanted to fit in, just to be one of the boys. It was tough. I went to…

— Ronnie Shakes

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

— Ronnie Shakes

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

— Ronnie Shakes