There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two. — Richard Jeni Epidemics Copy Share Image
We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half. — Richard Jeni Firsts Copy Share Image
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's… — Richard Jeni Capable Copy Share Image
That's why you have to like a guy like Charles Manson. Say what you will about Manson - he's one of the… — Richard Jeni Danger Copy Share Image
Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at… — Richard Jeni Beach Copy Share Image
Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans… — Richard Jeni Angel Copy Share Image
Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any… — Richard Jeni Accidents Copy Share Image
Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death. — Richard Jeni Bright side Copy Share Image
Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up… — Richard Jeni Covered Copy Share Image
Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million… — Richard Jeni Brooklyn Copy Share Image
The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions… — Richard Jeni Be you Copy Share Image
I don't get that - people going to war over religion. I don't know, I could see going to war over justice… — Richard Jeni Argument Copy Share Image
Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but… — Richard Jeni Care Copy Share Image
If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less… — Richard Jeni Birth Copy Share Image
