Ray Romano Quotes

57 quotes in 636 categories

• My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.
• Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform..
• I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in…
• Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity..
• For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.
• If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can…
• I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge…
• When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're…
• If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you…
• Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose?…
• That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.
• People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It's not an easy switch. It's not…
• Failure-it centers me. Too much success has me thinking, All right, what's goin' on?
• The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political…
• The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.
• I've had people say to me, 'Look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God?' Following that…
• Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.
• If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but…
• Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.
• If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

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