Ray Romano Quotes
57 quotes
in 636 categories
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My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.
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Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform..
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I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in…
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Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity..
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For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.
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If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can…
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I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge…
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When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're…
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If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you…
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Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose?…
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That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.
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People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It's not an easy switch. It's not…
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Failure-it centers me. Too much success has me thinking, All right, what's goin' on?
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The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political…
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The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.
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I've had people say to me, 'Look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God?' Following that…
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Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.
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If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but…
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Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.
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If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.
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