The founding fathers, in their wisdom, devised a method by which our republic can take one hundred of its most prominent numbskulls… — P. J. O'Rourke Father Copy Share Image
I have three children and three dogs. You put them in a Prius, you know? People who have a Prius obviously have… — P. J. O'Rourke Children Copy Share Image
Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The real truth about children is they don't speak the language very well. They're physically uncoordinated. And they are ignorant of our… — P. J. O'Rourke Children Copy Share Image
There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Constitution is an equally forthright piece of work and quite succinct ... giving the complete operating instructions for a nation of… — P. J. O'Rourke Constitution Copy Share Image
I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're… — P. J. O'Rourke Bachelors Copy Share Image
Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get… — P. J. O'Rourke Behavior Copy Share Image
If we want the whole world to be rich, we need to start loving wealth. In the difference between poverty and plenty,… — P. J. O'Rourke Capitalism Copy Share Image
Humans have trouble with economics, as you may have noticed, and not just because economic circumstances sometimes cause them to starve. Humans… — P. J. O'Rourke Attention Copy Share Image
All previous populist movements were demanding things from governments, whereas the Tea Party is saying, 'Give us less, go away.' That's heartening… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of… — P. J. O'Rourke Code Copy Share Image
Fall of the Berlin wall? Being there was fun. Nations that flaked off of the Soviet Union in southeastern Europe, Central Asia,… — P. J. O'Rourke Asia Copy Share Image
If you're doing a column, you kind of have to. Like in the back of Sports Illustrated, Rick Reilly has to find… — P. J. O'Rourke Approach Copy Share Image
A penny will not buy a penny postcard or a penny whistle or a single piece of penny candy. It will not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politics doesn't work. Look at the parts of America where government has had the most power, where government has spent the most… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Finally, one night we were smoking pot [with Michael O'Donoghue] and talking about the people that are invariably in high school, whether… — P. J. O'Rourke Ghetto Copy Share Image
I grew up going to public school, and they were huge public schools. I went to a school that had 3,200 kids,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil.… — P. J. O'Rourke Church Copy Share Image
Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates… — P. J. O'Rourke Angel Copy Share Image
Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it's got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It's not pretty. But… — P. J. O'Rourke Abu Copy Share Image
Where self-interest is suppressed, it is replaced by a burdensome system of bureaucratic control that dries up the wellsprings of initiative and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pollution is a problem, and there's the whole problem of the spoiling of the commons, but we've addressed the pollution problem on… — P. J. O'Rourke Climate Copy Share Image
Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Republican convention, an event with the intellectual content of a Guns'n'Roses lyric attended by every ofay insurance brokerin America who owns… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then basically what was happening was that it was the middle '80s, and Rolling Stone realized that a lot of their readers… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven't yet figured… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd… — P. J. O'Rourke Chance Copy Share Image
Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
![“Finally, one night we were smoking pot [with Michael O'Donoghue] and talking about the people that are invariably in high school, whether you go to prep school or public school or ghetto school or rich suburban school. And actually, it spun off from a Kurt Vonnegut quote.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a43/p-j-o-rourke-184_ghetto_finally-one-night-we-were-smoking-pot-wi_324321.png)
![“Then basically what was happening was that it was the middle '80s, and Rolling Stone realized that a lot of their readers had voted for [Ronald] Reagan, and they were going, "Gosh! We need a Republican! Does anybody know a Republican? Wait a minute! I think P.J.'s a Republican!"” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe1/p-j-o-rourke-184_80s_then-basically-what-was-happening-was-th_1600927.png)
