It's so important to wake up and immediately start starring shit. Stupid Twitter ruined my poo time! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Broken ; heart Copy Share Image
When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on. — Nikhil Saluja Corruption Copy Share Image
Don't hold onto the past and make it a burden that you must live with in the future. Move on. — Nikhil Saluja Burden Copy Share Image
When a girl cries, just yell happy things. YOGURT. PILATES. STOP CRYING PLEASE. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People that correct you when you use the wrong who/whom are fucking idiots. You know whom you are. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you ever leak any pic a girl sent to you in confidence, you're a piece of pig shit. No question or… — Nikhil Saluja Confidence Copy Share Image
If her facebook status says in a relationship & it's complicated is it safe to say she fucks other guys? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Technically, it's not even cheating if he doesn't cum inside you. — Nikhil Saluja Cheating Copy Share Image
I just got a tattoo of a toilet on my chest, when I take off my shirt you better recognize that I'm… — Nikhil Saluja Tattoo Copy Share Image
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm. — Nikhil Saluja Clergy Copy Share Image
If any Twitter app showed how many times we've visited someone's profile, we'd be in an awkward position. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have an idea for a bar where all the beer is free…but you have to pay ten dollars every time you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm like State Farm; when her husband leaves, I bang his wife 'like a good neighbor'. — Nikhil Saluja Good neighbor Copy Share Image
Going out always seems like a good idea. Until you actually go out and remember how much you hate people. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A moment of silence for all the teenagers whose parents wont let them eat in their room. — Nikhil Saluja Moment of silence Copy Share Image
The easiest way to win if your girlfriend likes to play games is by hitting her with a cheat code. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
She doesn't want a man. She just wants a dude she can text all day that makes her laugh. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever I start to feel like a failure I just remember there's no duct tape on my car and everything is better. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm still trying to move on but every night I can't stop myself from crying because of you. — Nikhil Saluja Being broken Copy Share Image
The magic button to get a woman to behave for at least 20 minutes is called a clitoris. — Nikhil Saluja Clitoris Copy Share Image
If you don't text first, we won't talk - my only rule with my imaginary girlfriend — Nikhil Saluja Girlfriend Copy Share Image
You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter Scale. — Nikhil Saluja Coffee Copy Share Image
No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard your stories, but they didn't feel what you were going… — Nikhil Saluja Being judged Copy Share Image
I ate sushi and pizza in the same day because my diet is a woman's Tumblr page. — Nikhil Saluja Food Copy Share Image
Like to tell my girlfriend Great job on those tits before she leaves for work. — Nikhil Saluja Girlfriend Copy Share Image
Ladies, not swallowing is a huge fucking inconvenience. Respectfully, Men everywhere. — Nikhil Saluja Inconvenience Copy Share Image
My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mom walking in on you looking at the Google homepage. — Nikhil Saluja Awkward moment Copy Share Image
Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters. — Nikhil Saluja Bachelors Copy Share Image
If youre protective and tall and sweet and cute and smell good and give good hugs then I want to date you — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Never been more embarrassed than the time I walked in on a co-worker while I was masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Embarrassed Copy Share Image
The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Better things Copy Share Image
MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's… — Nikhil Saluja Argument Copy Share Image
There are 2 kinds of people in this world: Takers and Givers Takers Eat Well, Givers Sleep Well..! — Nikhil Saluja Sleep Copy Share Image
