Nick Offerman Quotes

71 quotes in 1074 categories

• Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol…
• I've had to learn and discipline myself that I'm much happier and much less depressed if I give myself a project. It's just that simple.
• No matter how you decide to spend a little more time on your gestures of giving, the point is just quite simply that you do.
• Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter…
• I'm opposed to a lot of the time that we as a civilization have come to spend looking at screens. For my money, life is…
• The world is split into two halves: the bacon, and the bacon eaters.
• Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He's a grown…
• Shut your damn mouth.
• Just stand up for your principals and be loyal to your friends and family.
• Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.
• Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!
• Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: “Just be cool. Don’t be an asshole.
• I learned the word non-conformist in fourth grade and immediately announced that I would grow up to become one.
• Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.
• Jobs that require a suit upset me. They displease me much, as our world is rife with such superficial conformity.
• If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.
• Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor's appointment.
• Technically, we're all half centaur.
• With all of the visual distraction constantly inundating us in the form of our devices and screens, I really derive a great deal of pleasure…
• Whatever it is you like to do, that's the sexiest part of you.

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