All Neil Simon Quotes
- He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie. Belt
- Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other. Each
- Writing is an escape from a world that crowds me. I like being alone in a room. It's almost a form of meditation- an investigation… Alone
- It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture. Drinking
- Talent is the gift plus the passion - a desire to succeed so intense that no force on earth can stop it. Desire
- Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count. Count
- Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend. Book
- I was constantly being dragged out of movies for laughing too loud. Constantly
- You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way.… Comedy
- Don't listen to those who say, you taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed… Big
- Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money. Brings
- Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending. Ending
- I understand. You work very hard two days a week and you need a five-day weekend. That's normal. Day
- The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement...Of course, He could have built it to last longer but you can't have everything. Achievement
- Give your mind a chance to travel through foreign languages. Chance
- I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Its either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple Brown
- Once you start compromising your thoughts, you're a candidate for mediocrity. Candidate
- People with honorary awards are looked upon with disfavor. Would you let an honorary mechanic fix your brand-new Mercedes? Awards
- I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with… Believe
- There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles. Angeles
- I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors. Actors
- New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it. Inspirational
- Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the… All
- Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out… Care
- If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor. Chance