Moms Mabley

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin'…

— Moms Mabley

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.

— Moms Mabley

A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can

— Moms Mabley

I don't want nothing old but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That's what I'm gonna do with it.

— Moms Mabley

“The good old days. I was there. Where was they?”

— Moms Mabley

Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody.

— Moms Mabley

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause…

— Moms Mabley

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just…

— Moms Mabley

Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.

— Moms Mabley

It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.

— Moms Mabley

Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one.

— Moms Mabley

You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.

— Moms Mabley

Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!

— Moms Mabley

Use those brains that God put in your head.

— Moms Mabley

LOVE is like Playing Checkers. You have to know which Man to MOVE.

— Moms Mabley

Black women, white women- all of them. I'm colorblind. I don't know the difference. I only know you're a human being and…

— Moms Mabley

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

— Moms Mabley