If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' — Louis C. K Christianity Copy Share Image
It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. — Louis C. K Alone Copy Share Image
People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old?… — Louis C. K Best father Copy Share Image
Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the… — Louis C. K Comedy Copy Share Image
I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they're killing, everybody's murdering each other with their cars.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'm close to my audience. I think I have more tools in my box than other guys who might try it. Also,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be able to do a bunch of things at once, and not think about things you're not doing while… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of… — Louis C. K Cinema Copy Share Image
I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' — Louis C. K Boss Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find… — Louis C. K Being selfish Copy Share Image
I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. — Louis C. K Diet Copy Share Image
There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
My kids and I figured out that there’s a third kind of person, and I don’t know what you call them, but… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Sadness is poetic. You're lucky to live sad moments. When you let yourself be sad, your body has antibodies. It has happiness… — Louis C. K Antibodies Copy Share Image
How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I was raised by a hard-working single mother, so my first role model was a woman. My only caretaker was a woman,… — Louis C. K Community Copy Share Image
You can't answer a kid's question. A kid never accepts any answer. A kid never says, 'Oh, thanks. I get it.'... They… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause… — Louis C. K Alone time Copy Share Image
What we've done with our modern food supply is absolute insanity. It's not even real any more. You used to be able… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a… — Louis C. K Comedy Copy Share Image
I can't just sit on my daughter's bed and just say 'n---' all night and then put her to sleep. I just… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I remember the day I saw my hair was thinning. I don't remember caring much. I don't care. It's just hair. It… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
