“Are you telling me you're lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?” — Kevin Hearne Vampire Copy Share Image
“Jesus "...It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who do Evil Shit in My Name.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“I do beg your pardon. Let's literally throw up, but figuratively throw down.” — Kevin Hearne Forgiveness Copy Share Image
Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it. — Kevin Hearne Bears Copy Share Image
If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands. — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Where are we going? I don't know yet. Anyplace is good, so long as there's sausage and bitches.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“It's not polite to ask if a man has a big salami in his pants, okay?” — Kevin Hearne Dirty talk Copy Share Image
“In Battle, as in charity, it is better to give than to receive.” — Kevin Hearne Battle Copy Share Image
“Helgarson won’t tell me, but it must have been bad. His fangs pop out if you just say ‘Thor’ aloud, and he… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Flidais nods in approval. “Respect for life. Good.” I want to ask where her respect for life is, why she thinks it… — Kevin Hearne Life Copy Share Image
No worries, Atticus. I will snarf surreptitiously. And I should get bacon, because my adverb was two syllables longer than yours, plus… — Kevin Hearne Adverbs Copy Share Image
Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed. — Kevin Hearne Depressed Copy Share Image
“You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can’t understand what that means until… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
I can't spend too much time in the forests because I invariably leave traces-ridiculously happy trees, basically, since I'm the last Druid… — Kevin Hearne Druid Copy Share Image
“When a fight comes at ye, it’s not going to ask if you’re in shape for it! Ye have to be ready… — Kevin Hearne Fight Copy Share Image
As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the… — Kevin Hearne Battle Copy Share Image
“No, they're contemporary witch hunters, based in Russia." The crease deepened. "Hold on a moment. They sound like assholes?" I blinked, uncertain… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
I suspect that many of us, if given the chance to make one person in our lives love us more, would have… — Kevin Hearne Affection Copy Share Image
“Usually I try to suppress any emotions that savor of regret, because they are invariably aperitifs to a main course of depression,… — Kevin Hearne Depression Copy Share Image
“What are you so pleased about?" "I only drink a little at a time, like half a cup ever four or five… — Kevin Hearne Time Copy Share Image
“I see. And who is this author?” “Neil Fucking Gaiman.” “His second name is Fucking?” “No, Leif, that’s the honorary second name… — Kevin Hearne Books Copy Share Image
“Drug addicts perplex me. They're a relatively recent development, historically speaking. Everyone has their theories - monotheists like to blame it on… — Kevin Hearne Addicts Copy Share Image
The widow’s eyebrows raised. “Ye’ve got all these nasty pooches to run around with and ye still might die?” “I’m going to… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“You killed my father,” he snorted in a basso profundo rumble. “Prepare to die!” “Inigo Montoya? Is that you?” — Kevin Hearne Parenting Copy Share Image
“His moral compass always points to himself; he is his own true north.” — Kevin Hearne Compass Copy Share Image
“I come to dungeon for good time—which maybe is problem, I admit—but I get bad time instead.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“[T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton.” — Kevin Hearne Humor Copy Share Image
“I should like to take this opportunity to name you Sherlock and point out that there is no shit.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
![“[T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton.” quote by Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/307/kevin-hearne-991_humor_t-he-pain-was-unspeakable-worse-than-rea_353101.jpg)
