Josh Billings

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.

— Josh Billings

There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?

— Josh Billings

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

— Josh Billings

Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.

— Josh Billings

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

— Josh Billings

One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.

— Josh Billings

Satire that is seasonable and just is often more effectual than law or gospel.

— Josh Billings

I've never known an auctioneer to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.

— Josh Billings

The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion…

— Josh Billings

Pride seems to be equally distributed; the man who owns the carriage and the man who drives it seem to have it…

— Josh Billings

The hardest thing any man can do is to fall down on the ice when it's slippery, and get up and praise…

— Josh Billings

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.

— Josh Billings

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of…

— Josh Billings

The nearest we can come to) perfect happiness is to cheat ourselves with the belief that we have got it.

— Josh Billings

A slander is like a hornet; if you cannot kill it dead at the first blow, better not to strike at it.

— Josh Billings

Plenty of folks are so contrary that if they should fall into the river, they would insist upon floating upstream.

— Josh Billings

Knowledge is like money: the more one gets, the more one craves.

— Josh Billings

Keep a cow, and then the milk won't have to be watered but once.

— Josh Billings

Rumor is a vagrant without a home, and lives upon what it can pick up.

— Josh Billings

Fashion makes fools of some, sinners of others, and slaves of all.

— Josh Billings

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

— Josh Billings

True valor is like honesty; it enters into all that a man sees and does.

— Josh Billings

Wise men have but few confidants, and cunning ones none.

— Josh Billings

Vanity is a strange passion; rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.

— Josh Billings

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

— Josh Billings

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.

— Josh Billings

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

— Josh Billings

Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.

— Josh Billings

Caution, though very often wasted is a good risk to take.

— Josh Billings

As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.

— Josh Billings

Politeness is better than logic. You can often persuade when you cannot convince.

— Josh Billings

The dog that will follow everbody ain't worth a curse.

— Josh Billings

There's one good thing about tight shoes; they make you forget your other troubles.

— Josh Billings

Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.

— Josh Billings

Keep a cow, and the milk won't have to be watered but once.

— Josh Billings

Society is composed of slow Christians and wide-awake sinners.

— Josh Billings

It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.

— Josh Billings

A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.

— Josh Billings

One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.

— Josh Billings

Music wasn't made to make us wise, but better natured.

— Josh Billings