All Joseph Heller Quotes
- For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive. Always Enough
- When I look up, I see people cashing in. I don't see heaven or saints or angels. I see people cashing in on every decent… Angel
- Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives. Drive
- Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat. Better
- Why are they going to disappear him?' I don't know.' It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good grammar. Disappear
- Gold was not sure of many things, but he was definite about one: for every successful person he knew, he could name at least two… Ability
- When people disagreed with him he urged them to be objective. Disagreed
- Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble. Air
- Major Major never sees anyone in his office while he's in his office. Anyone
- It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude. Blunted
- Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. Clevinger
- To Yossarian, the idea of pennants as prizes was absurd. No money went with them, no class privileges. Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all… Absurd
- Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three.… Achieve
- Major Major had lied, and it was good. He was not really surprised that it was good, for he had observed that people who did… Ambitious
- [They] agreed that it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything. Agreed
- Yossarian decided to change the subject. "Now you're changing the subject." he pointed out diplomatically. "I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable… Bet
- The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel… Anybody
- Clevinger was a troublemaker and a wise guy. Lieutenant Scheisskopf knew that Clevinger might cause even more trouble if he wasn't watched. Yesterday it was… Cadet
- The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him. Days
- After he made up his mind to spend the rest of the war in the hospital, Yossarian wrote letters to everyone he knew saying that… Anyone