“Being an adult isn't a matter of age. It's a matter of responsibility.” — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“You know what? Forget the warning. Read the book. Go insane. See if I care.” — Jonathan L. Howard Books Copy Share Image
“A census taker once tried to test me. I let my front garden eat him.” — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“Do shut your mouth--you'll catch flies sitting there like that.” — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“It was a lot less pleasant than travel via a discorporated poet.” — Jonathan L. Howard Poet Copy Share Image
“Cats, as any rational person knows, are solitary, opportunistic, ambush predators, much like spiders, but with fewer legs and a better fan… — Jonathan L. Howard Cats Copy Share Image
“They served to remind Cabal - should a reminder ever be necessary - why his social skills were so poor: people were… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“Well, if I ever suffer brain damage I know there's always a career waiting for me in local politics.” — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“All this bunch of so-called 'adults' was doing was making enemies of one another when what they really needed to be concentrating… — Jonathan L. Howard Adults Copy Share Image
“The lesson seemed to be twofold: do not anger the gods, but if you must, at least make sure your city isn't… — Jonathan L. Howard Lesson Copy Share Image
“But when it comes to applied sciences, technologies, any spotty Herbert with a degree and a lab coat can perform greater wonders… — Jonathan L. Howard Herbert Copy Share Image
“She felt oddly complimented. Petrov hadn't thought she's just a girl; he'd thought she might be a desperate criminal.” — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“No churchmen, I notice. Of course not. What use have they for a world without irrational fear?” — Jonathan L. Howard Church Copy Share Image
“We’re supposed to be doing the devil’s work and you’ve gone and contaminated it all with the whiff of virtue. I really… — Jonathan L. Howard Character Copy Share Image
“As the barman’s hand rose from beneath the bar, Cabal was filled with a presentiment and a strange foreboding that he hadn’t… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“It's a philosophical minefield!" Cabal had a brief mental image of Aristotle walking halfway across an open field before unexpectedly disappearing in… — Jonathan L. Howard Humor Copy Share Image
“Cabal dimly recalled that the musical genius who'd decided to put on Necronomicon: The Musical had got everything he deserved: money, fame,… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“According to his upbringing, there were certain subjects that it was ill-mannered to raise in conversation with a new acquaintance. With the… — Jonathan L. Howard Communication Copy Share Image
“He found Satan on his throne in the cavern of lava, reading a large-print edition of Wheatley’s The Satanist . 'It’s a… — Jonathan L. Howard Books Copy Share Image
“The Mayor of Murslaugh was a jolly, ebullient man of the sort who, in a well-ordered world, would be called Fezziwig. That… — Jonathan L. Howard Mayor Copy Share Image
“Instead he gave Cabal his most professional pat on the shoulder. It was his best pat, the one that said, You have… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“Not entirely fair?" His voice became that of the inferno: a rushing, booming howl of icy evil that flew around the great… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“Your argument is as specious as it is fallacious. I do not give a damn that we have crossed a sea to… — Jonathan L. Howard Argument Copy Share Image
“Horst passed him a bottle he had picked up in his rapid trip from there to here. Remarkably, it's contents had survived… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“You know, I don't believe they noticed I had murdered them. I really don't. They just seemed faintly put out, as if… — Jonathan L. Howard Bad luck Copy Share Image
“This is Hell," he tried to explain for the third time. "Not a drop-in centre. You can't just turn up and say,… — Jonathan L. Howard Hell Copy Share Image
“Cabal regarded her with mild amusement. “Smile when you whisper,” he advised her. “You’re supposed to be flirting with me, if you… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“Allow me to refresh your obviously faulty memories. I allow you to stay within my front garden on the understanding that you… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“Lo!" cried the demon. "I am here! What dost thou seek of me? Why dost thou disturb my repose? Smite me no… — Jonathan L. Howard Demon Copy Share Image
“His pièce de résistance was the-thing-I-shot-with-my-crossbow-au-vin , which was universally praised on the second evening.” — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“I had wanted some cheese, but couldn't find any at short notice. It was a shame. Cheese goes so well with tragedy.” — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“The only more immediate alternative that I can think of is a Tantric ritual involving necrophiliac sodomy and, frankly, I don’t think… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
“You're familiar with the theory of evolution?" asked Cabal. "Sir?" "They're about to find out why intelligence is a survival trait.” — Jonathan L. Howard Biology Copy Share Image
“He had seen inferno and tempest, and had not only looked into the abyss but the abyss had looked into him, and… — Jonathan L. Howard Copy Share Image
