Jerry Lawler

I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire.

— Jerry Lawler

The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries.

— Jerry Lawler

Of course, the whole Andy Kaufman angle was classic. I'm real proud of that. I mean that is something people are still…

— Jerry Lawler

If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert.

— Jerry Lawler

When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!

— Jerry Lawler

I'd like to retain Trish Stratus's services.

— Jerry Lawler

What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!

— Jerry Lawler

J.R.'s got moves like Jagger!

— Jerry Lawler

Judging from what looks like the popularity of this classic wrestling show is that the people like what they have grown to…

— Jerry Lawler

The fats dented the flats.

— Jerry Lawler

It's not often that you see a smile on the face of the Viper, but it actually looks good on there.

— Jerry Lawler

Jake Robert's wife is real ugly, but according to him that's nothing a six pack and a light switch can't fix.

— Jerry Lawler

Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo.

— Jerry Lawler

You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.

— Jerry Lawler

There's one thing that comes into mind when I see Trish Stratus... MANAGEMENT

— Jerry Lawler

Her, Me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

— Jerry Lawler

One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

— Jerry Lawler

Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull!

— Jerry Lawler

I don't think that McMahon thinks very much about the fact that J.R and I have been successful. I don't think that…

— Jerry Lawler

The Dudleys are going to get the VIP treatment this Sunday-- Very Intense Pain!

— Jerry Lawler

Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.

— Jerry Lawler

Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the…

— Jerry Lawler

I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took…

— Jerry Lawler

We just did a show in Providence, Rhode Island, and we got three puppy shots before we even got on the air,…

— Jerry Lawler

As they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation.

— Jerry Lawler