All Jacob M. Appel Quotes
- The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop. Difficult
- Maybe life involves the pairing of unsuitable people, those who wait and those who keep others waiting, and the key to happiness is finding the… Chronometer
- Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner. Inspirational
- Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Death is easy. Brutish
- This is how most stories end in the hospital. Not with crash carts and sirens and electric shocks to the chest, but with an empty… Bed
- I used to dream of true love; now I'm open to false, but convincing.... Convincing
- Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date. Always Put
- Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform. Girl
- If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises.... All
- I can handle being married for my money; it's being married for my life insurance that gives me pause.... Gives
- A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys. Ago
- Even a poor tour guide is entitled to some happiness. Entitled
- Such is the demographic paradox of a junior physician's relationship with his patients: I worry about how to extend their lives. This anxiety inevitably shortens… Anxiety
- The most dangerous ideas are not those that challenge the status quo. The most dangerous ideas are those so embedded in the status quo, so… All
- Maybe that is the greatest of wonders: that we can be shaped so much by those we've known closely, and equally by those we've never… All
- If God wanted teenagers to be abstinent, puberty would begin at twenty. Abstinent
- Marriage is like a series of opposing reflections, inverse images getting ever smaller like nesting dolls, each one of your trying to squeeze yourself smaller… Cracks
- Most people are far more concerned that they can control their own bodies than they are about petitioning Congress. Bodies
- Patriotism is being convinced your country is better because you were born in it. Better
- Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history. Anyone
- Catholic extremism should be resisted as fiercely at home as we oppose the Taliban abroad. Abroad
- Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win. Choose
- Know your load. That's rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me one… Bird