Elle Lothlorien

“Turns out rolling your eyes in a bar when ‘Land Down Under’ plays is like someone belching during the Star Spangled Banner…

— Elle Lothlorien

“So…while we’re sitting here on this luxury yacht enjoying our bread and water, why doesn’t someone tell me the plan?”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Okay, so English settlers brought rabbits with them to Australia to breed for food and stuff, right? But they escaped and basically…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Suddenly, the giant, three-headed dog that guards the entrance to the Underworld appears next to her—sans two of its heads—and sits down.…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Don’t worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny—like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there’s…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don’t want to play me.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“...once I realized that Australia’s top highway speed of 110 kilometers per hour was the same as going 65 in the U.S.,…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Now see, if it were me, I wouldn’t have led with that. I would’ve gone with something like ‘G’day’ or ‘Wow, aren’t…

— Elle Lothlorien

“By the way, don’t thank me for saving you, thank the lifeguards. If it was up to me, I would’ve just carried…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Hey…you don’t look like a rabbit.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Aw, you’re nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Alice? You didn’t get this far without realizing that you don’t have to cheat to win. You just have to accept that…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Uh-oh, I hope he doesn’t start rattling off dirty limericks next; she’ll probably burn the hotel down.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Let’s put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Didn’t you read the invitation? There’s going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make…

— Elle Lothlorien

“The car doesn’t so much drive as float above the road, like we’re making our way to Sydney in a hovercraft.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Australians are descended from a boatload of English convicts, right? So two hundred years in isolation at the bottom of the planet…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I’m busy trying not to look like anything edible.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“The question is: will I get used to a menu with kilojoules instead of calories? I mean, I don’t think anyone even…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I’d feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails?”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Well, the gondola operator—whose name was ‘Happy,’ I might add—failed to inform me that about sixty seconds into the trip, the floor…

— Elle Lothlorien