“I was hammered by either a flying body tackle or an unnecessarily aggressive hug.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“You want to hear a story? Well, buckle the fuck up." From: What the Hell Did I Just Read” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I heard a screeching like steam from a teapot, and realized it was me.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“My melon soul Crushed by your Gallagher of apathy Sledgehammer! Hammerrrrr!” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“He gave me a look that would have made cancer apologize, then ran like hell.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.” — David Wong Creativity Copy Share Image
And, well, that's my story," I said. "I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded. — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I… — David Wong Funny Copy Share Image
“Folding chairs were flying through the air as if propelled by dozens of invisible Bobby Knights.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“If God was the type who needed to be asked verbally before he would support your side over man-eating monsters, then she… — David Wong Copy Share Image
You know if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty-one feet farther than your shoes? — David Wong Around the world Copy Share Image
Here’s exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that— — David Wong Brain Copy Share Image
“Okay, can somebody quickly just summarize for the shotgun department who it's okay and not okay to shoot?” — David Wong Copy Share Image
Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Sound filled the room, a crystal melody that could lift any human heart and turn away any devil. It was "Here I… — David Wong Human heart Copy Share Image
“Oh, hey, he’d figured out how to work the stupid ramp mechanism. It’d have been nice to have done that before he… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“They call it kintsugi. The pot is shattered, then carefully reassembled with a resin mixed with gold. It symbolizes how we must… — David Wong Healing Copy Share Image
The things we call cultures are dynamic, internally diverse, and their interpretation is internally contested among its members. Cultures are like ongoing… — David Wong Culture Copy Share Image
“I reached out and, with a small move of my body, did something that would change my life forever. I gently moved… — David Wong Life Copy Share Image
Solving the following riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt.… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Well, you’d better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into… — David Wong Investing Copy Share Image
The Chinese concept of rights arose, then, in a context of power. Western nations had become powerful enough, and imposed their will… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Hollywood raised us. Your mind processes the world through a filter formed by comic books and action movies on Cinemax. That's why… — David Wong Action movie Copy Share Image
I fear that our loss of a sense of connection with, and duties to, each other leaves us unable to effectively address… — David Wong American society Copy Share Image
“I picked up the phone and dialed up John on his cell. One ring, and then- "I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME… — David Wong Getting Sick Copy Share Image
People come to have different moral beliefs because they have different non-moral beliefs about relevant facts. People are disposed to believe whatever… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“The human eye has to be one of the cruelest tricks nature ever pulled. We can see a tiny, cone-shaped area of… — David Wong Carbon dioxide Copy Share Image
“We got back to my house to find it ransacked. It was difficult to tell because I’m not the world’s greatest housekeeper… — David Wong Humor Copy Share Image
“There are two types of people on planet Earth, Batman and Iron Man. Batman has a secret identity, right? So Bruce Wayne… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Let’s say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax… — David Wong Computers Copy Share Image
We can cooperate more easily with those who more easily intelligible to us, who are more familiar to us. But the advantages… — David Wong Character Copy Share Image
“Society is nothing more than people cooperating with other people they'd much rather murder.” — David Wong Community Copy Share Image
“John ducked casually across some DO NOT DUCK CASUALLY ACROSS THIS TAPE tape” — David Wong Copy Share Image
If I knew me as somebody else, I would hate me just as much. Why have a double standard? — David Wong Copy Share Image
