“Don't swallow: your bulging, blushing cheeks display the saliva you want to share.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Don't believe anything I say. My point of view is merely objective.” — Bauvard Faith Copy Share Image
“We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.” — Bauvard Deforestation Copy Share Image
“Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future.” — Bauvard Children Copy Share Image
“Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy.” — Bauvard Apes Copy Share Image
“The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.” — Bauvard Astrology Copy Share Image
“We live in one of the few epochs of humanity where life isn't just a painful cycle of toil, fatigue, and collapse.… — Bauvard Humanity Copy Share Image
“When one's unconscious is full of vice, nothing realizes inner potential like hypocrisy.” — Bauvard Hypocrisy Copy Share Image
“I have never sought to displease; I merely seek pleasure and avoid the pain it causes those who work to produce it.… — Bauvard Leisure Copy Share Image
“Buddhism: a violent religion that has compensated for the exploding human population by causing whole species of animal vessels to go extinct.” — Bauvard Animals Copy Share Image
“Spontaneous abortion: the opposite of immaculate conception. God has compensated for Christianity’s violent history by revealing that innocent blood does not have… — Bauvard Immaculate conception Copy Share Image
“I dropped out of school and congratulated myself for my diligence. Few realize how hard one has to work to resist the… — Bauvard Hard work Copy Share Image
“I may be slow, but I know a racist when I’m called one - and I am proud to support the supremacy… — Bauvard Proud Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I… — Bauvard Daydream Copy Share Image
“I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to… — Bauvard Parapsychology Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace… — Bauvard Dream Copy Share Image
“You can always tell the quality of an author by their cover picture. Bad writers bear an idiotic smile on the inside… — Bauvard Books Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the… — Bauvard Capital punishment Copy Share Image
“As a captain whose vessel is about to crash on the rocks empties its souls of doubt, so are the hesitant useful… — Bauvard Business Copy Share Image
“Performance enhancements are most impressive when used by that sedentary athlete, the videogamer. After he turns to hitchhiking in disgrace, his giant… — Bauvard Athlete Copy Share Image
“Like a valet who commits grand theft auto not to go for a joy ride but to open a used car lot,… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.” — Bauvard Writing Copy Share Image
“Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.” — Bauvard Funny Copy Share Image
“Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.” — Bauvard Funny Copy Share Image
“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.” — Bauvard Childhood Copy Share Image
“Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner… — Bauvard Regret Copy Share Image
“When you don't hold your pipe with the proper poise, smoking is very hazardous for your image.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on… — Bauvard Electric chair Copy Share Image
“I happen to find ceilings much lovelier than the night sky myself. Sometimes I just stare at them for hours and wonder… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
“Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.” — Bauvard Funny Copy Share Image
“The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain… — Bauvard Bright ideas Copy Share Image
