Humor Quotes by Bauvard

“Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.”

— Bauvard

“The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.”

— Bauvard

“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”

— Bauvard

“Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol.”

— Bauvard

“The stoic contemplates fallen leaves; the epicure rakes them into a loveseat.”

— Bauvard

“Quote: a banal proverb that is considered profound when uttered by a celebrity.”

— Bauvard

“Just relax. Everyone around you is working too hard.”

— Bauvard

“A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.”

— Bauvard

“To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is…

— Bauvard

“Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.”

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view.…

— Bauvard

“The French: a people who have used their sophisticated culture and beautiful language to bequeath to the world the sliced potato.”

— Bauvard

“Flatterers should be mistrusted, especially when they praise the dead. To seek a place in society is self-serving, but to seek one…

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I…

— Bauvard

“Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.”

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace…

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we…

— Bauvard

“The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked…

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the…

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked…

— Bauvard

“An empty skull is the vanitas symbol of modern education.”

— Bauvard

“Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep.”

— Bauvard

“Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future.”

— Bauvard

“I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.”

— Bauvard

“Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.”

— Bauvard

“Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.”

— Bauvard

“Don't drink away your dreams; drink towards them.”

— Bauvard

“Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs.”

— Bauvard

“Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.”

— Bauvard

“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.”

— Bauvard

“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.”

— Bauvard

“The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see…

— Bauvard

“Sympathy is why when a man is getting mugged, you let him keep his shirt after you take his life. Funerals are…

— Bauvard

“Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are.”

— Bauvard

“Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits.”

— Bauvard

“Have a baby shower, then an abortion. Now you just have to lose a little weight to squeeze into all your skimpy…

— Bauvard

“There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for.”

— Bauvard

“Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal.”

— Bauvard

“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.”

— Bauvard