All Art Buchwald Quotes
- I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me. Inspirational
- I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page. Bipolar
- Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else.… Americans
- Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it-- but when they get a bad review they never forget it.… All
- Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a… Any
- The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water. Exactly
- Television has a real problem. They have no page two. Page
- If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments. Been
- I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive. Alive
- On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive. Alive
- I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought. Dialysis
- ... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech. Afterlife
- I earned my stripes as a Marine, and the Corps gets full credit for straightening me out. At 17, I was young, I was unhappy… All
- People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time. All
- Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later. Change
- Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father… Beautiful
- Television has a real problem. They have no page two. Consequently every big story gets the same play and comes across to the viewer as… Across
- While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be… Attack
- Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great… Audience
- People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even Answer