Andrew Kaufman

“the code of a world he'd never been invited to join.”

— Andrew Kaufman

“Why do bad things happen to good people?' 'Because it makes a good story.”

— Andrew Kaufman

“He knocks on doors and stands there. You’d be surprised how few doors get answered”

— Andrew Kaufman

There are two ways to get rid of an anxiety monster,my friend-you either have a bath or a nap.

— Andrew Kaufman

“His accent was thick and British, the kind that makes North Americans feel slightly ashamed.”

— Andrew Kaufman

“To lose one's keys is the equivalent of losing one's mind.”

— Andrew Kaufman

“We are now, all of us, cinematographers for the movie of our own lives. Not the star. Not the director. Not even…

— Andrew Kaufman

“The Sloth would sit on his couch, paralyzed by all the things he wasn't taking care of. Then one day, a Wednesday,…

— Andrew Kaufman

“It’s true most superheroes have funny names. But they have to come up with these names by themselves. Think about how hard…

— Andrew Kaufman

“When Aquatics are overwhelmed, they seek out the tallest object in view, lie on their backs, put their heads against it and…

— Andrew Kaufman

“But I'm here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. Your soul is a living, breathing, organic thing.…

— Andrew Kaufman

“No one gets found in love. Everyone gets lost in it, Because love is overwhelming. Its beyond your control. You have to…

— Andrew Kaufman

“Are these affairs an attempt to figure out who you are?" "Maybe..." "And you think that everyone else knows this? That they…

— Andrew Kaufman

“Perhaps one of the hardest things about having kids is realizing that you love them more than your wife. that it's possible…

— Andrew Kaufman

“The Sloth hated himself. He considered himself lazy. He had a dead-end job and no plans to get a better one. His…

— Andrew Kaufman

“We’re here,’ the Clock says. The Perfectionist opens her eyes. She sees nothing. It’s white. All white. There’s no up. There’s no…

— Andrew Kaufman

“I don't remember a single monster before I met you.' he'd told Amphibian. 'Now they seem to be all over the place.'…

— Andrew Kaufman

- the only difference between a happy ending and a sad ending is where you decide the story ends.

— Andrew Kaufman

“for a moment he became frightened that, with no one watching him, he might begin to disappear forever.”

— Andrew Kaufman

“Remember that the truth within yourself will always be greater than the truth found in these pages. These stories are here to…

— Andrew Kaufman

“Stewart got out of the truck and walked into the wheat field he’d parked beside. The stalks grew higher the deeper into…

— Andrew Kaufman

“Businessman sat in his car calculating the net worth of everyone who passed and he noticed something peculiar. While some people were…

— Andrew Kaufman

“The Perfectionist pushed Tom onto her bed. She took off his shirt. She took off his shoes and his socks. She took…

— Andrew Kaufman

...a river season will last as long as it takes you to reach your new place. If you get into the river…

— Andrew Kaufman

“THE PROJECTIONIST The projectionist can make you believe whatever she believes. If she believes interest rates are going to fall, and you…

— Andrew Kaufman