When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
Me and Conan O'Brien and Robert Smigel and Dana Carvey wrote a script called 'Hans and Franz: The Girlyman Dilemma,' and it was going to be co-produced with Arnold Schwarzenegger, and he was going to co-star in it. We had… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I'd been doing some light-beer commercials for Budweiser and Coors, and I was doing stand-up comedy. I wanted to get into the acting world,… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage.… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said. — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version. — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I've noticed a surge when I go out somewhere, or if I'm doing stand-up. — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate. — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit. — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
Roxanne came along in '86, when I was doing a lot of stand-up. I auditioned for the movie, and of course I was a… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals. — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another. — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
