Thou art so witty, wicked, and so thin, Thou art at once the Devil, Death, and Sin. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Unlike my subject will I frame my song, It shall be witty and it shan't be long. — Lord Chesterfield Copy Share Image
“Arrogant men with knowledge make more noise from their mouth than making a sense from their mind.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. — Johnny Vegas Copy Share Image
I've got a little baby, I made him...He doesn't speak, he's 2...He's a slow learner, he's only got 2 words...car and map...I'm… — Michael McIntyre Copy Share Image
I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wish I knew all the answers, how to be perfect, attractive and witty. But I'm just a human being with all… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wit is the most dangerous talent you can possess. It must be guarded with great discretion and good-nature, otherwise it will create… — John Gregory Copy Share Image
I was a kid during the height of the Cold War. If I did something wrong, my parents just accused me of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Good,’ he said. ‘Cause Maggie’s all the nightmare I can take.’ I smiled. ‘Gus, I never knew you dreamed of me.’ He… — Jessica Shirvington Copy Share Image
Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.(when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought… — Seymour Cray Copy Share Image
My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all… — Mike Stud Copy Share Image
We have that Indian scene. We can get the Indians from the reservoir. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
My road to success is blocked by a huge rocks obstacle with a big sign that says 'Twitter.com' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who is so timid, he is even afraid to talk back to other people's wives — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. — John von Neumann Copy Share Image
NASCAR : The most exciting sport for people who have never seen a fucking freeway. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? — Seymour Cray Copy Share Image
It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
A lot of women don't like to give blow jobs. On a related note: A lot of marriages fail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I want to make a picture about the Russian secret police - the GOP. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A word which always means commitment -- but so does insanity; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is achieved when silence between two people is comfortable; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wit resembles a coquette; those who the most eagerly run after it are the least favored. — Joseph Chenier Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, TRADITIONAL, A man who expects his wife to help him with the dishes — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Yes it's going really well. We are planning on having a baby together. — Shahrukh Khan Copy Share Image
When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whatever money you might have, self-worth really lies in finding out what you do best. — J. K. Rowling Copy Share Image
Pornography: That which excites, whether from approval or disapproval. — Leonard Rossiter Copy Share Image
