Witty Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 17

Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :)

— Nikhil Saluja

Love Love, to be real, must cost, it must hurt, it must empty us of self.

— Nikhil Saluja

Drunk Twitter because embarrassing myself in one zip code was never enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can tell a lot about a person by their car… For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.

— Nikhil Saluja

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A person who never really becomes good, he is merely more proficient.

— Nikhil Saluja

Three Things to Coltivate... Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back?

— Nikhil Saluja

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when women say that all men want from them is sex, coz that's bullshit. We want you for blowjobs too.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who only lasts as long as a marriage -- an ex-wife is forever

— Nikhil Saluja

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only game that is never called on account of darkness;

— Nikhil Saluja

Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece.

— Nikhil Saluja

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get the better of any bargain;

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

— Nikhil Saluja

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

— Nikhil Saluja

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, In Japanese is called Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding. This is the western equivalent of Yes, dear;

— Nikhil Saluja

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Man who keep feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants. Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men are more likely to be struck by lightening than women. That means no storms occur in a kitchen.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, What a man blames things on when he can't figure a way to blame the government;

— Nikhil Saluja

Farting isn't ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!

— Nikhil Saluja

To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was…

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband expected what he was getting;

— Nikhil Saluja

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

— Nikhil Saluja

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Girl will fake an orgasm. The woman won't stop until it's real.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMUNISM : You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

Next Time someone rings your home phone, test their intelligence by replying with 'Hi, can I call you back I'm driving'

— Nikhil Saluja

If you separate the whites and the colored clothes during laundry, you're a racist.

— Nikhil Saluja